Marriage is hard when you begin.  We come from a place of being one.  We look only for ourselves.  And then slowly begin to envelope another person into our lives, but I believe that nothing can fully prepare you for marriage.  The journey can be wonderful, it can cause heartache, and it can be the source of joy.  In my 23 years of being married, I have learnt many many things, and one of them would be the joy and a true sense of security in being a submissive wife.

Modern society tells women that your true sense of self-worth is found in your career.  However, the bible tells us in Ephesians 5:22 – 24 that as wives we are to submit to our husbands as to the Lord, as the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.

I am to a wonderful man that I adore, respect and submit too.  This has been a journey of discovery, as I did not fully grasp this command from the Lord when I first got married.  Twenty-three years ago, my career was very important to me.  I liked working away from home.  I did get a sense of accomplishment with my career.  I enjoyed earning money, and I enjoyed a large amount of freedom.  Although a Christian woman, I did not give a lot of thought to submitting to a man.  I came from a broken home.  My father had been an abusive alcoholic, and so my views on marriage were very broken.    However, after meeting the Lord, he helped me to change.  Very slowly, I became aware of the role of a Christian wife.  After marrying my husband, also a Christian, in 1997, we began a journey of discovery.  In the early years, it did not always run so smoothly.  The world would tell me one thing, my heart would seek to shield itself, and the bible would tell me something else.  I was not easy to live with, of this I am sure.

After 6 years of marriage my husband and I decided to try and have children.  We felt the time was right.  My husband was in a good job, as was I.   When I look back now, I see that my identity was found a lot in my job.  People would ask me who I was, and I would say I was an Executive Assistant.  I did not say, I am a Christian and a wife, and a soon to be mother. I had embraced the worldly way of looking at my life and this took its toll.

It was after our first child was born that the Lord began to change me into a submissive wife.  We had agreed that when we began to have children that my role would be as a stay at home mother.  The day I left my job, I cried.  I felt that now I would be nothing.  I had lost my identity.  But God had another plan for my life.  When our son was born, I began, very slowly to see another role was better and more fulfilling for my life.  I took joy in showing off my son and in making the house clean.  In making dinner for my husband and taking on a very different role.  I enjoyed cleaning my home.  Not because I like cleaning toilets, as it was the opposite.  But because when people would visit, my house was homely, clean and inviting.  I liked my husband coming home to a warm, dry, clean home that smelled good.  I wanted him to want to come home.  I wanted to provide a place where he enjoyed being.  Now, don’t get me wrong, in the early days I succeeded in this as much as I failed.  But the more I began to read the scriptures about being a good wife, the more I found a freedom that I did not have before.  I found all sorts of things that I had never been told before.  It was not only okay but God wanted me to submit to my husband.  But I also found that I could enjoy my husband as well.   That both the husband and the wife had very certain roles to play in our marriage and that the more we embraced them, the happier we were.  I found out (Proverbs 12:4) that a wife of noble character is a crown for my husband.

The more I began to search the scriptures and conform to my role, the happier I was and the easier it became.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am a very strong personality and I struggle daily with submitting.  But I found the more we took on the biblical roles in our marriage, the happier we were.

I read Proverbs 31:10-31, the honourable wife.  I poured over it and tried to allow God to change me into this person.  I took great pleasure in hearing my husband praise me for my home, the children, the hospitality.  I began to feel fulfilled in my role.  I knew what was expected of me and I found that the more I submitted to my role in the marriage and to my husband, the happier he was as well.  He did not have a doormat of a wife, but a strong wife who through her strength, could submit.  I found, that instead of arguing a point, if I submitted and prayed, that my husband actually began to ask my opinion more.  He was not afraid of the ensuing battle but instead respected me for allowing him to be the biblical head of our home.  Decisions were made with respect and love.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are still times that I struggle and still times that I want to fight back.  Its takes a daily commitment to my role.

Being a submissive wife is being strong enough to submit.  Being a submissive wife is being secure enough to submit.  It is hard, but it is rewarding.  Five children and twenty three years later and my husband and I are more secure and in love than ever.  There is never a thought of divorce, there is never doubt, just the opposite.  The children are happy in the knowledge that their mum and dad are happy and that if any situations arise that are difficult or require big decisions, that together Mum and Dad can cope with them.  The house is clean and tidy, the food is always there, the children have the security of a home built on biblical submission and it is well with our souls.  We believe that God made man and woman to compliment each other, to fill the needs of each other and the voids in each others personalities and gifts.  I know I am not meant to be a man, or deal with the responsibilities that God has given him.  I know that I am a woman and I know exactly the role I am to have and it fits.  It is nice to know my role and I can rest in that.

 

This is a guest post from a Submissive Wife